Although things might be improving in recent times, but there are two areas in which parents still force their children to accept their opinion – rather decision. Both relate to two of the most important choices an adult child makes in his or her life:
1. Career
2. Spouse
Without realizing the inclination and proclivity of their child, they unilaterally decide their fate in both these spheres. Many children of today – in particular those living in
Muslim countries – are forced to live in this coercion. If a child wants to become an artist, what right do we have to force him to become a doctor? If a child does not want to marry within the family or clan, why should we compel him to follow our wishes? It is his or her life and it is he or she who must take the decision.
In this regard, some parents evoke the Qur’ān to tell off their child that they have to be obeyed come what may. In fact, the children cannot even say uff to them. And any defiance in this regard would displease the Almighty. Following is the Qur’ānic verse that is generally at the back of their mind:
ُا ٍّف َّو َلا َت ۡن َہ ۡر ُہ َما۔ ۤ مَ ہُ لَّ لۡ قُ تَ الَ فَ امَ ہُ لٰ کِ وۡ اَ ۤ مَ ہُ دُ حَ اَ رَ بَ کِ لۡ ا کَ دَ نۡ عِ نَّ غَ لُ بۡ یَ ا مَّ اِ ؕ ا نً ا سَ حۡ اِ نِ یۡ دَ لِ ا وَ لۡا بِ
In Arabic, the word ُا ٍّف(uff) as found in the above verse means “to be impatient,” and does not mean “to say no,” as is the case with its Urdu usage. In other words, this verse is rightly telling Muslim children not to show impatience with their parents and bear with them. Thus this Qur’ānic verse is actually asking children to deal affectionately and kindly with their parents.
On the other hand, obviously children should give regard to the wishes of the parents as far as possible and listen to their advice. This is the beauty of mutual respect and regard. At the same time, parents must realize that they do not have any authority to force their adult children or impose their own opinion on them even in small matters, let alone such important ones as selection of the spouse and career. Parents can discuss and suggest as far as they can but in the end it is the adult child who should be given the authority to decide.