The Creator has endowed man with the nature of a sociable creature. The reason for this is that man’s creation is not such that his Maker fashions him somewhere in the heavens, sends him directly to the earth in the prime of youth, and then takes him back in the same youthful state without passing him through the stages of childhood and old age.
Contrary to this, his case is such that he comes into existence as a frail infant amidst layers of darkness. He opens his eyes in his mother’s lap. He babbles, plays, eats and drinks through the care of others, and relies entirely on them to fulfill even his most basic needs. Initially, he crawls on the ground, then gradually manages to stand on his feet with great difficulty. Even after this, he requires support at every step. It is after going through several stages of childhood and adolescence that he reaches the age of fifteen or sixteen and becomes youthful. Even this period of youth does not last for more than twenty to thirty years.
Afterwards, signs of old age begin to appear, and after reaching the peak of knowledge and understanding, he again becomes dependent on others, much like a child, to complete the remaining days of his life.
The situation of man necessarily demands that he live a social life. From the very beginning of creation, this sociability has been present in him—in its complete and perfect form—both as a man and as a woman. They do not need to look outside themselves to realize this. When people enter this world, they bring with them all they need and establish their lives wherever they find themselves—be it in valleys, mountains, plains, or deserts.
History of mankind shows that with this very scheme in mind, when Prophet Adam (PBUH) came to this world as the first human, he was not sent alone, but God Almighty created a pair from his own kind for his companionship. Then, from them, many men and women were spread across the world, until the institution of family, tribe, and ultimately the state emerged, providing man with everything neces-sary for actualizing his hidden potentials.
It is these facts in view of which the permanent companionship of spouses has been adopted in the religion of the Prophets. Observing human life from childhood to old age, it becomes clear that this way of life is logical and natural considering his biological, psychological, and social needs.
This social nature has necessitated a comprehensive code of conduct for its essential aspects, which was granted to the children of Adam through the Prophets.
This can be discussed under the following headings:
Marriage
The only legitimate way for men and women to fulfill their sexual needs with each other is through marriage. With overt, mutual con-sent, marriage forms a covenant of lifelong companionship between a man and a woman. This commitment is made in the presence of people and accompanied by guidance and advice from a responsible individual.
For this, women, like men, are owners of their will and are com-pletely free to make their decisions within the boundaries set by God. Nothing can be imposed on them without their consent.
Relations Prohibited for Marriage (Muḥarramāt)
Marriage with one’s mother, daughter, sister, aunt or niece is strictly forbidden. God Almighty intends that a mother maintains a purity of regard for her son, a daughter for her father, a sister for her brother, and an aunt for her nephew. These relationships are to remain entirely free from any trace of lust or sexual desire, as such inclinations would undermine human dignity and contradict the inherent sense of modesty that sets humans apart from animals.
The same rule applies to relationships via nursing. Hence, all those relationships which are forbidden by lineage are also forbidden through nursing.
After lineage and nursing, there exists a relationship through mar-riage. The sanctity of relationships arising from this is evidently clear to human nature. Hence, marriage is forbidden with one’s mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, aunt by marriage, and niece by marriage.
However, since these relationships are established through the intermediary of a wife or husband, they carry a certain vulnerability.
Therefore, the Qurʾān has set three specific conditions for them:
1. First, a stepdaughter is only prohibited if the marriage with her mother has been consummated.
2. Second, the prohibition regarding a daughter-in-law applies only if the son is a direct biological descendant.
3. Third, the prohibition concerning a wife’s sister, as well as her aunt, niece, and grandniece, applies only while the marital rela-tionship with the wife exists.
Besides these, marriage is also prohibited with a stepmother and a woman already in marriage with another man.
Terms and Conditions
Marriage must include a bridal gift, known as mahr, as a duty or-dained by God Almighty, making it a mandatory aspect of the marital contract. The responsibility for providing for the wife and covering household expenses traditionally rests with the man, and the mahr serves as a token of this responsibility.
No specific amount has been prescribed for the mahr; it is left to societal customs and individual discretion. Based on the woman’s social status and the man’s financial circumstances, they may agree upon any suitable amount.
Chastity is also a condition for marriage. An adulterer may not marry a chaste woman, nor an adulteress a chaste man—unless they have sincerely repented, sought forgiveness for their sin, and the matter of adultery has not been brought before a court.
The same principle applies to polytheism: just as marital unfaith-fulness is unacceptable, it is even more intolerable for a Muslim to permit the worship of anyone besides God within their household. In fact, such spiritual disloyalty is graver than physical infidelity.
However, there is an exception regarding Jews and Christians: Muslim men are permitted to marry chaste women from these communities. This is because, although their faiths may contain elements of polytheism, they fundamentally uphold the belief in monotheism.
Rights and Duties
The family unit functions like a small state. Just as every state requires a leader for its formation and stability, the family also neces-sitates leadership. This role could have been assigned to either men or women.
However, the Qurʾān explains that, based on certain natural abil-ities, this leadership role has been entrusted to men. Consequently, it expects women, firstly, to adopt an attitude of harmony and cooper-ation with their husbands, and secondly, to safeguard their husbands’ privacy and dignity.
If a woman, in challenging this role of her husband, disrupts the harmony of the household, God has permitted the man to take three steps to preserve the stability of his home:
1. The first step is to advise the wife. The Qurʾān uses the word ‘advice,’ (Waʿẓ) implying that it may involve some level of re-proach and censure.
2. The second step is to withdraw from close and informal in-teractions to signal the seriousness of the matter, helping her understand that a change in behavior is necessary to avoid more severe consequences.
3. The third step is physical discipline, which should be gentle and no more than what a teacher might use with students or a father with his children during training.
These measures should be followed in sequence: the second should be attempted only after the first, and the third only when the husband believes there is no alternative left and all other efforts have proven ineffective. This marks the outer boundary of a husband’s disciplinary authority. If this results in reform, no attempts should be made to seek revenge against the woman.
Even if a man dislikes his wife, it is not permissible for a believer to cause her distress, attempt to reclaim what he has given her, or subject her to hardship. Such behavior is justifiable only if she engages in blatant indecency. If she remains loyal, chaste, and modest, then trou-bling her merely out of personal dislike is unjust and a clear violation of the principles of justice, integrity, and nobility.
Moral corruption is indeed detestable, but a mere lack of attraction or minor disagreements does not justify depriving her of the rights owed to her in a dignified society. Even in times of dissatisfaction, she should be treated with respect—guided by wisdom, compassion, and the enduring principles of mercy, justice, and fairness.
Polygyny
In accordance with the nature upon which humans were created, the institution of the family—with its fundamental virtues—can only be established through the marriage bond between one man and one woman.
It’s the necessities of civilization and the psychological, political, and social benefits which have, more or less, kept the practice of po-lygyny prevalent in every society, and keeping these in mind, God has not prohibited it in any of His laws.
However, for the welfare of orphans, when the Qurʾān encourages to benefit from this practice, it also imposes two conditions:
1. one is that even for the benefit such as the rights of orphans, the number of women in a man’s marriage should not exceed four.
2. The second is that the condition of justice among wives is such an unalterable condition that if a man cannot fulfill it, then even in view of some important religious expediency, it is not lawful for him to contract more than one marriage.
However, this does not mean that there must be no difference in outward behavior and inner affection. Absolute fairness in matters of the heart is beyond human ability, and even with the best of intentions, it cannot be attained. Since a man cannot control the inclinations of his heart, it is sufficient that he does not incline so heavily toward one wife that the other is left neglected or suspended in uncertainty.
Whether the marriage was entered into to safeguard the rights of orphans or for any other reason, bridal gift and fair treatment are the rightful due of the woman and must be given willingly and generously. However, if there is a concern that insisting on full equality among wives might lead the husband to neglect or avoid one of them, then there is no harm if both parties mutually agree to a compromise.
Limits of Sexual Intercourse
Sexual intercourse between husband and wife are prohibited during the periods of menstruation and postnatal bleeding. This restriction remains in effect until the bleeding ceases. However, the proper and recommended course is to resume intimacy only after the woman has attained ritual purity—and even then, in the manner that is permitted and prescribed by God.
Ilā’ (Oath of Abstention from Intimacy)
It is not permissible for a husband to sever intimate relations with his wife without a valid reason. Even if he has taken an oath to do so, the oath must be broken.
A maximum period of four months is prescribed for such a sit-uation. Within this time, the husband must either resume marital relations or, if he chooses not to, proceed with a divorce.
Unlawful Comparison (Ẓihār)
If a person arbitrarily says to his wife that she is like his mother or compares any part of her body to any of his mother’s parts, it does not make the wife his mother nor can she attain the sanctity of a mother. Therefore, such a comparison does not break the marriage nor does the wife become prohibited for him like a mother.
However, this does not mean that he should be left without any admonition. Such statements have extraordinary effects on the social life of humans; hence it is necessary to discipline him so that he and others may be cautious in the future.
Thus, God decrees that before he can touch his wife, he must pay the expiation for his sin. The expiation is as follows: •a slave should be freed.
•If that is not possible, then the individual must fast for two consecutive months.
•If even that is not possible, then sixty needy people should be fed.
Divorce
If a husband and wife cannot get along, there has always been pro-vision for separation in the religion of the Prophets. In terminology, this is called divorce.
Before it reaches this point, it should be everyone’s desire that the relationship, once established, should be preserved as much as possi-ble from breaking. However, after adopting all possible measures for reform, if the situation does not improve and it becomes clear that the relationship can no longer be maintained, then, as a last resort before divorce, God Almighty has directed the couple’s tribe, community, relatives, and well-wishers to step forward and try to mend matters with their influence. It has been prescribed that an arbitrator from the husband’s and one from the wife’s family be chosen, who together shall endeavor to reconcile them. It is expected that disputes, which the parties themselves could not resolve, may be settled with the in-tervention of the elders of the family and other well-wishers.
Since the man is the head of the family, and also responsible for providing maintenance and other expenses, the right of divorce has been granted to him. If a woman wants a separation, she will not give the divorce herself, but would demand it from the husband. Under normal circumstances, it is expected that any honorable man, find-ing no possibility of continuing the marriage, would accept such a demand. However, if this does not happen, the woman can approach a court, which would then order the husband to grant the divorce or decide on the annulment of the marriage.
Whether the husband gives the divorce himself or decides on sep-aration upon the wife’s demand, the method prescribed in the Qurʾān is as follows:
1. Divorce shall be given considering the Waiting Period (‘idda). It implies that it is not permissible to immediately divorce, rather it should be given with the intention to separate after the com-pletion of a specified period. In terminology, ‘idda refers to the period during which a divorced woman or a widow cannot marry another man.
As this Waiting Period is primarily intended to determine preg-nancy status, it is essential that divorce is given after the wife’s menstrual period has ended and without any conjugal relations occurring during this time of cleanliness.
2. The Waiting Period must be counted with great care. Divorce is a sensitive matter that affects not only the husband and wife but also their children, families, and numerous legal aspects. It is therefore crucial to note the exact time and date of the divorce, the wife’s condition at that moment, the starting point of the Waiting Period, its duration, and the time of its completion.
3. The husband has the right to reconcile at any point before the Waiting Period concludes. If he does not do so, the marriage will automatically end once the Waiting Period is complete. Therefore, as the end of the period approaches, the husband must decide whether to retain the marital bond or allow it to dissolve. In either case, God commands that the matter be set-tled in a fair and respectful way.
The directions given in the Qurʾān are as follows:
1. First, any gifts given to the wife—whether property, real es-tate, jewelry, clothing, or other items—regardless of their value, may not be taken back. Obligatory support (Nafaqa) and Bridal Gift (Mahr) are her rightful dues, and there is no question of reclaiming them. In fact, the Qurʾān explicitly forbids taking back anything that has been given to the wife. However, there are two exceptions to this rule:
a. If the couple finds it impossible to live together within the limits set by God—and this is also acknowledged by the community’s decision-makers—but the husband refuses to grant a divorce solely to avoid parting with the wealth he has given, then the wife is permitted to return some or all of these assets to obtain her release. In such a case, it is not forbidden for the husband to accept what is returned.
b. If the wife commits open lewdness. As this fundamentally destroys the basis of the marital relationship, the husband is allowed to take back his given wealth in such cases.
2. Secondly, if divorce takes place before the marriage has been consummated and before the bridal gift (Mahr) has been set, the husband bears no financial obligation. However, if the bridal gift has been stipulated and divorce occurs before consum-mation, then half of the agreed mahr must be paid—unless the wife willingly waives her right to it, or the husband chooses to pay the full amount.
3. Thirdly, the wife shall be given some means of sustenance upon divorce. The Qurʾān has declared it a right for those who fear God and adopt a kind attitude. Its amount will be determined considering society’s norms and the hus-band’s financial status. Even if the divorce is given without consummating the marriage or fixing the bridal gift, God Almighty commands that this right be fulfilled.
4. If the husband reconciles during the Waiting Period, the woman remains his wife. The right to divorce and then rec-oncile is granted twice within a single marriage. After these two instances, this right no longer remains. Therefore, if the husband divorces his wife a third time after having rec-onciled with her twice, the separation becomes permanent. She cannot return to him unless she marries another man and that marriage also ends in divorce.
5. Whether the husband divorces or reconciles, he should take two trustworthy Muslims as witnesses to his decision. The purpose is that neither party denies anything later, and if any dispute arises, it can be easily resolved.
6. Generally, the Waiting Period of divorce is three menstrual cycles, and in the case of pregnancy, it lasts until the birth of the child. If the woman has reached menopause or has reached the age of menstruation but has not menstruated, then the Waiting Period will be three months. For a woman whose marriage has not been consumated, since the ques-tion of pregnancy does not arise, there is no Waiting Period for her. The commands related to the period of Waiting Period mentioned in the Qurʾān are as follows:
a. Firstly, it is directed that during this period, neither the wife should leave her home nor does the husband have the right to evict her from the house. Staying to-gether might result in a change of hearts, both might reconsider their behavior, and their broken home may become reestablished once again. The only exception is if the husband has given divorce due to the wife’s open lewdness. In such a case, it is not fair to demand that the husband allow such a woman to stay in his house, nor can the benefit intended by this directive be achieved.
b. Secondly, it is stated that during ‘idda, the husband will provide her with a living place and maintenance according to his status and will not adopt any method that might hurt her dignity and compel her to leave his house within a few days due to distress.
c. Thirdly, during ‘idda, the woman will not attempt to hide her pregnancy. God Almighty has emphasized this strictly because the command of ‘idda is given spe-cifically to decide whether the woman is pregnant.
7. Even after divorce, if the father wishes the mother to breast-feed their child, she should do so for up to two years. If she agrees, he must compensate her, and the amount should be determined through mutual consultation in a fair and respectful manner. If the father has passed away, the same responsibilities and rights are transferred to his heir. Both parties may also agree to a shorter duration. If the father—or his heir—wishes to appoint another woman to breastfeed the child instead, it is permissible, provided all matters agreed upon with the mother have been properly settled.
8. After the divorce, the former husband no longer has any right to interfere in the woman’s decisions. She is free to marry whomever she wishes, whenever she chooses. As long as her decision conforms to lawful practice, it cannot be objected to.
Husband’s Death
The Waiting Period for a widow is four months and ten days. This duration is longer than that of a divorced woman because, in the case of divorce, it is instructed that it be given during a period of purity in which no intimacy has occurred. Such a condition, however, cannot be applied to a widow. Therefore, from a pre-cautionary standpoint, the Waiting Period was extended. Since the purpose of the Waiting Period is the same for both divorced women and widows, the exceptions outlined for divorce also apply to widows. Accordingly, there is no Waiting Period for a widow whose marriage was not consummated, and the Waiting Period of a pregnant widow ends upon childbirth.
After the Waiting Period is over, the woman is free to take whatever step she deems appropriate in her affairs. However, she should abide by the norms of society, meaning she should not engage in any act that could potentially harm the honor, repute, dignity, and good traditions of families.
With this consideration, no blame is placed on the widow or her guardians. If someone wishes to marry a widow during her Waiting Period, he may reflect on the matter privately or make a respectful, indirect reference to it—but it is not permissible to dis-regard the emotions of a grieving family by sending a formal mar-riage proposal during this time or making a secret commitment..
It is also obligatory for husbands to make a will providing their widows with maintenance and accommodation for one year, unless the widows themselves choose to leave or make alternative arrangements.
Mixed Gatherings
For the protection of the institution of marriage and to maintain the purity of hearts in interpersonal relations, God Almighty has set manners for the mixing of men and women.
These manners are as follows:
1. When there is a need to enter one another’s homes, it is not permissible to barge in thoughtlessly and without seeking permission. On such occasions, it is important for a per-son to introduce himself to the household in a respectful and courteous manner—by offering salutations at the door. This allows the residents to know who is at the door, why he has come, and whether it is appropriate for him to be let in. If they respond to the greeting and grant permission, then he may enter. However, if no one is home or it is made clear that a meeting is not possible at that time, he should leave without taking offense or feeling uneasy.
This guidance is not meant to deprive friends and family of normal social interaction or to restrict their personal free-doms. Therefore, it is not objectionable for individuals—or their dependent or disabled friends and relatives who live with them—to visit each other’s homes, engage in social interaction, and for men and women to dine together or separately, as appropriate.
There is no restriction in their own houses, nor in the hous-es of their ancestors, mothers, brothers and sisters, uncles, aunts, maternal uncles, and maternal aunts, nor in the houses of those under their guardianship, and neither in friends’ houses. However, it is essential to greet and seek permission when entering someone’s home.
2. This restriction is not necessary for places where families do not reside such as hotels, inns, guest houses, shops, offices, men’s areas, etc. Similarly, servants who frequent homes and underage children are not required to seek permission at every instance.
It suffices for them to seek permission during three times: •before the Fajr prayer while people are still in their beds; •at noon when people undress for the midday nap; •and after the ʿIshāʾ a prayer when they go to bed.
Apart from these times, underage children and household servants can go to the women and men’s private spaces and rooms without seeking permission.
However, this exemption will not remain after they reach puberty. Upon reaching the age of puberty, it will be neces-sary for them to seek permission according to general law before entering homes.
3. In such gatherings where men and women are present to-gether, God commands both to lower their gazes. This means exercising modesty and self-restraint in how they look at one another—avoiding lustful stares or excessive attention to physical appearance. The true spirit of this command is not to prohibit all looking or require the gaze to remain permanently lowered, but to prevent inappropri-ate or prolonged glances.
4. On such occasions, individuals must safeguard their private parts. This means there should be no inappropriate atten-tion directed toward those areas, nor should they be ex-posed before others. When men and women are present in a same setting, extra care should be taken to ensure proper covering of the private areas.
A key consideration in such settings is modest dress. Both men and women should wear clothing that adequately covers not only the private parts but also their adornment (Zīna) in an appropriate manner. Additionally, care should be taken during gatherings to ensure that one’s body re-mains properly covered while sitting, standing, or moving about.
5. Especially for women, it is important that no item of adorn-ment should be exposed in front of anyone except their close relatives and related persons.
However, the adornments that are customarily visible are exempt. This includes makeup and ornaments on the hands, feet, and face. Beyond these, women are instructed to conceal their adornments in all other areas. Additionally, they should refrain from striking the ground with their feet in the presence of men to avoid drawing attention to any hidden adornments.
6. Since a woman’s chest is also among the private parts, and there are ornaments around the neck, it is recommended in such instances to cover it with a scarf.
This command to cover the chest and neckline does not apply to elderly women who no longer expect marriage, provided they do not display adornment.
Nonetheless, it is preferred for them too to be cautious and not remove the scarf in the presence of men. This is better for them.
Parents
Among the relationships formed through marriage, the parent–child relationship is one of the most important. Guidance on treating parents with kindness is found in all divine scriptures.
The limits set by the Qurʾān for this are as follows:
1. After the Creator, a person should be most grateful to their parents. This gratitude is not just verbal; it neces-sarily demands that one treats them with utmost respect, does not harbor any resentment towards them in their heart, does not utter disrespectful words in their pres-ence, but rather adopts an approach of gentleness, love, courtesy, and dutiful obedience. One should heed their advice and comfort them in their old age and weakness.
2. Despite the honored status of parents, they do not have the right to compel their children to associate partners with God. In such matters, children must firmly refuse obe-dience and follow only those who lead them toward God. If parents call them to deviate from God’s path, that call must not be accepted. All other divine commands should be understood in this light—it is not permissible to violate any of them, even at the insistence of one’s parents.
3. Even if parents persist in calling their children toward the sin of polytheism, good conduct must still be maintained with them in worldly affairs. Their needs should be met to the best of one’s ability, and sincere prayers for their guidance should continue. While matters of faith and law remain separate, the children must not show any negligence in fulfilling their duties toward their parents in these areas.
Orphans
When children lose their father, the Qurʾān provides specific guidance regarding their affairs.
The summary of this guidance is as follows:
1. Guardians must transfer the wealth to orphans when due, refraining from using it for themselves. Consuming an or-phan’s wealth unjustly is like filling one’s belly with fire. Therefore, no one should attempt to substitute their inferior goods for the orphan’s better ones, nor should they merge the orphan’s property with their own under the pretext of administrative convenience. If a merger occurs, it should solely be for the purpose of safeguarding and better man-aging the orphan’s assets, not for personal gain.
2. Protecting the wealth of orphans and safeguarding their rights is a serious responsibility. If someone finds it dif-ficult to fulfill this duty alone and believes that marrying the orphan’s mother would make it easier, they may marry women from among those lawfully permitted—two, three, or four—provided they are able to uphold justice among them. However, if there is a concern that justice cannot be maintained, then even for a noble cause such as the welfare of orphans, they should marry only one, as this is the best way to uphold justice. Similarly, it is essential that these women are given their bridal gifts justly as other women are. It should not be used as an excuse to claim that, because the marriage was undertaken for the children’s welfare, all other responsibilities may be disregarded. However, if they willingly forgive a portion of the bridal gift or grant some other concession, there is no harm in that. People may ben-efit from it if they so choose.
3. The directive to hand over wealth to orphans should be carried out when they reach an age of maturity and demon-strate the ability to manage it responsibly. Until then, their assets must remain under the supervision and care of their guardians. The guardians should continue to assess whether the orphans are developing the necessary understanding to handle responsibilities. During this period, their needs should be properly fulfilled, and guardians must not misuse or waste their wealth out of fear that the orphans will soon come of age. In all dealings, orphans should be treated with kindness and respect.
4. If the guardians are affluent, they should not take anything in return for their service, but if they are poor, they may take fair compensation from the orphan’s wealth, in accor-dance with customary standards.
5. When handing over wealth, trustworthy and respectable people should be made witnesses to prevent any mistrust or disputes. Then, it should be remembered that one day this account will also have to be given to God, and He is All-Hearing, All-Knowing; nothing can be hidden from Him.
6. Although the shares of heirs are specified in the deceased’s estate, when close relatives, orphans, and the needy are present at the time of distribution, regardless of whether they legally have a right or not, they should be given some-thing and sent off politely. On such occasions, everyone should remember that their children could also become orphans and may face a similar need for compassion from others when they leave this world.