Chapter 23: The Psychological Aspect of Depression and Despair

Causes and Treatment

[This text is derived from a conversation of the author with Javed Ahmed Ghamidi. In this, he has identified the causes of depression and despair in the light of his religious and social knowledge and outlined guiding principles for overcoming them.]

In the present era, the disease of depression is spreading rapidly. There is an increase in the number of patients with each passing day. Men, women, adults, and children, all are affected by it. Among us, there are several factors contributing to this. Some of these are physical, while others are psychological.

Experts describe that the natural factors affecting it include chemical changes occurring in the body at a certain stage of life, or an imbalance of sodium or other elements in the body, or a psychological trauma, or a physical ailment that affects the brain. As a result, the mind stops functioning normally. If these are the causes of the illness, then it can be controlled with the help of medication. In such a case, treatment by a competent psychologist is generally sufficient.

The Three Major Causes of Despair

However, as far as the disease caused purely by psychological factors is concerned, cognitive and psychological correction is essential. In this matter, if the disease exceeds a certain limit, medication is required, but without correcting attitudes and concepts, it is not possible to get rid of it. In this matter, it is necessary to consider the three major causes of despair.

1. Do not consider the world as a testing ground.

The first thing is that we accept, as a matter of belief, that the world is a testing ground, but we do not consciously acknowledge it. We orally admit that we have to pass a test in this world, but we do not integrate it into our hearts and minds, nor do we accept it as a fundamental principle of life. This is why every trouble, failure, and deprivation leaves us complaining and disheartened. Why do we feel that all failures are meant for us? Are we the only ones meant to endure suffering? Are we the ones who must fall? Are we the only ones left to face hardships? Are pains destined solely for us? Did deprivation choose only our home? These sentences imply that we have not fundamentally accepted the principle that this world is a place of trial. This is the primary cause of despair and depression. When we perceive this world not as a place of testing, but as a place of results; when we consider it not as a place of striving, but as a place of reward; and when we view it not as a temporary abode, but as a permanent dwelling, then every difficulty, every trouble, and every failure becomes a cause of depression for us.

Therefore, it is essential to wholeheartedly accept that this world was created as a place of trial—a testing ground. The hardships and comforts, poverty and wealth, progress and decline that a person experiences are all a result of this reality. No guarantees of success have been given in this life. It is possible for a person’s lifelong efforts to end in failure, while another may achieve success at their first attempt. One individual might face endless sorrows, while another is blessed with luxury and ease. Success and failure here are not fundamentally tied to a person’s effort or abilities, just as hardships and comforts are not inherently the result of one’s qualities.

Both success and failure are forms of trials. Suffering from illness, enduring poverty, facing hunger, living in obscurity, or experiencing subjugation—all these are tests. Similarly, if Allah grants health, wealth, greatness, fame, or power, these too are meant as trials. Sorrow and failure test our patience, while comfort and success test our gratitude. This trial, this testing, is Allah’s scheme, and we must inevitably pass through it.

Thus, we should not merely accept this as a belief or an abstract concept, but as a concrete reality. This reality should become a part of our consciousness, a part of our very being. Our thoughts should be based on this truth, and so should our actions. If this transformation takes place within us, then, God willing, neither despair will overwhelm us nor will we fall prey to depression.

2. Avoiding Patience and Gratitude

The second issue is that our overall upbringing is not based on the psychology of patience and gratitude. Our general upbringing is such that when we receive a blessing, we consider it our entitlement and become engulfed in pride and arrogance. Conversely, when any calamity or hardship befalls us, we blame others or begin to complain to Allah. The words of the Qur’an are that when any distress befalls a person, they say: Rabbī ahānanī meaning, “My Lord has dishonored me, humiliated me.” This is ingratitude. In Surah Hud, this behavior of humans is described:

.وَلَٮِٕنۡ اَذَقۡنَا الۡاِنۡسَانَ مِنَّا رَحۡمَةً ثُمَّ نَزَعۡنٰهَا مِنۡهُ​ۚ اِنَّهٗ لَيَـــُٔوۡسٌ كَفُوۡرٌ‏ وَلَٮِٕنۡ اَذَقۡنٰهُ نَـعۡمَآءَ بَعۡدَ ضَرَّآءَ مَسَّتۡهُ لَيَـقُوۡلَنَّ ذَهَبَ السَّيِّاٰتُ عَنِّىۡ​ .اِنَّهٗ لَـفَرِحٌ فَخُوۡرٌۙ‏

Such is the matter of a human being that if We bless him with some favor; then deprive him of it, he shall definitely complain because he is quick to lose hope and is very ungrateful. And if after some adversity that has inflicted him We make him taste a favor, he shall certainly say: “My adversities have left me,” [and will rejoice] because he is very arrogant and boastful. (11:9-10)

This is not an appropriate attitude. The correct approach is to adopt patience in every difficulty and adversity and to confront them with determination and courage. It should be clear that patience is not a sign of humility or lowliness that people adopt out of helplessness. It is an expression of steadfastness, perseverance, and bravery. Those who face the hardships and challenges of life with courage, accept them as tests and decrees of Allah, and keep their hearts and minds content and satisfied with them, are indeed the ones referred to in the Qur’an as Sabireen (the patient ones). Such individuals do not succumb to pride and arrogance in times of joy and happiness, nor do they become despondent and discouraged in situations of grief and distress. When faced with a calamity, they say: Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un, “Indeed, we belong to Allah, and indeed, to Him we will return.”¹

Patience and gratitude are intrinsically linked. Just as one must exhibit patience in times of adversity, one must express gratitude upon receiving blessings. If we observe our surroundings, we find countless opportunities for gratitude. Every minor blessing should be acknowledged with gratitude. The true value of a seemingly small blessing becomes apparent when it is taken away from us. Therefore, if you have access to cold drinking water, be grateful for it. If warm water is available in the bathroom, say Alhamdu lillah (All praise belongs to Allah). Clean air is a significant blessing, not available in some areas; a bed one has is a big blessing, as many people have to sleep on the streets. All these blessings demand gratitude. Upon reflection, we realize that even twenty-four hours in a day are insufficient to thank for the blessings that surround us. The prayers taught to us by the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) are expressions of this gratitude. The words of one prayer are: Alhamdu lillahi alladhi ahyana ba’da ma amatana, wa ilayhi an-nushur , meaning“All praise is due to Allah, who gave us life after death and to whom we will ultimately return.”2 Saying Subhan Allah (Glory be to Allah) when witnessing a sign of Allah, starting work with Bismillah (In the name of Allah), and saying Alhamdu lillah(All praise belongs to Allah) upon receiving a blessing are all expressions of gratitude. Once, Maulana Islahi asked what the greatest supplication in the world is. None of us could answer. He said it is Surah Al-Fatihah. The reason is that the greatest blessing bestowed upon humanity is Allah’s guidance, and Surah Al-Fatihah is an expression of gratitude for this immense blessing.²

Understand this: it is not that people do not face hardships. No human is spared from them. The difference lies in the fact that a person who lives with the psychology of patience and gratitude focuses on blessings rather than afflictions. If you meet such a person, it will seem as if they have no pain, no illness, no grief, no worries. However, if they start to express, you would realize that there is a world of hardships they are living in. In reality, they have perceived this world as an abode of trials and have adopted the attitude of patience and gratitude as their creed.

A question from a person moved me to tears. He said, “I have been paralyzed for twenty years, I cannot get up to go to the bathroom, but will my prayers be accepted?” His real concern was not his disability, but rather whether there was any shortcoming in expressing gratitude to his Lord. Someone in the US asked me if I had any complaints about having to leave my homeland. I responded, “Why would I complain? My people and my country have always appreciated my abilities, and I should be grateful for that.” It’s true that I had to migrate, but often people end up on the streets after migration and have to face countless problems. By God’s grace, I am sitting peacefully in my home. If I think this way, then even the biggest incident cannot overwhelm me with despair.

3. We know how to take, not how to give

The third point is that our psychology has been shaped in such a way that we only know how to take, not to give. We begin our lives from the premise that we must take from our parents. When we marry, the expectation is that the wife should take care of us, look after the children, and serve our parents. As life progresses and the children grow up, we establish the expectation that they must fulfill our unfulfilled desires; all our dormant wishes are now linked to them. They are expected to serve us and support us in our old age. We also demand from relatives that they should assist and support us on every occasion. A friend is considered to be someone who comes to our aid during times of difficulty. In other words, our psychology, thoughts, actions, and behavior revolve around the central idea of what others have given us and how they have treated us, rather than considering what we should give to them and how we should treat them. The notion prevails that he did not care for me, did not help me, should have been considerate of my needs, should have fulfilled my requirements, should have solved my problem—that these were my rights, which it was their responsibility to fulfill. The repetition of these demands and expectations is a constant feature of our daily conversations.

These demands and requests lead to doubt and grievances. The reason for this is that no person can continuously meet our expectations. Gradually, they have to withdraw. Eventually, the day comes when their capacity is exhausted and they have to present their apologies. It is from this point that feelings of resentment and complaints arise. These feelings sometimes give rise to despair and hopelessness, and at other times, they take the form of emotions of sorrow, anger, hatred, and revenge.

In reality, taking should not enter our lives at all. Every person should make the decision at the very first step of conscious life that they were born to give. For me, this world is not a place to take, but a place to give. I must give to my parents, I must give to my wife, I must give to my children, I must give to my friends, I must give to society.

Hence, the issue for parents should be that these are our children, and it was our decision to bring them into the world; they did not request us for anything. Now, we have to nurture them, raise them, provide them with a good environment, and fulfill their needs. We must do all of this without expecting any reward because all of this is part of our duties.

When children mature, they should embrace a mindset of giving back to their parents. They ought to reflect on the pivotal role their parents played in bringing them into existence and nurturing them. The father dedicated himself to their upbringing and provision, while the mother endured the immense challenges of childbirth and nursing. In their parents’ old age, marked by frailty and vulnerability, it becomes our duty to provide them with the same love, care, and support they once gave us during the helplessness of our childhood.

The husband should consider that this woman has come from another home for my sake, she has made my home her own, and I must take care of her, educate her, and provide her with protection. In the same way, a wife should understand that this man has trusted me, entrusted me with his home and family, and taken on the responsibility of fulfilling my needs. Now it is my duty to fulfill the rights of companionship, to manage his household, to encourage him in his troubles, to give his parents the same status as my own parents, and to adopt the same attitude of service and patience towards them that I have adopted with my own real parents.

The same psychology of giving should be adopted by the teacher, the student should adopt it, and relatives and friends should adopt it among themselves.

This means that until your death, you should focus on one thing only: what have you done for this person who has become associated with you, and what are you going to do in the future? The question is not what they have done for you. Hence, all demands should be eliminated from your existence; insistence should not be a part of your nature; you should become devoid of expectations. Iqbal has expressed this sentiment as — His aspirations are modest, but his goals are noble — which means that an exemplary person does not live in the world of hopes and dependencies, but rather in the world of purpose.

In this age, the psychology of the entire world is based on the question of “What are my rights?” Both individuals and nations are captivated by this mindset. Everywhere, the protection of one’s rights has become the primary issue. In contrast, observe how the Qur’an does not even use the word rights. Instead, it speaks about duties. That is why there is no Charter of Human Rights in Islam. There is, however, a list of duties, which every individual is obligated to fulfill. For instance, parents have duties, children have duties, husbands have duties, wives have duties, scholars have duties, rulers have duties, and citizens have duties. It’s all about duties. The reality is that when we fulfill our duties, others receive their rights. Similarly, when others fulfill their duties, we receive our rights. In essence, there are two approaches to achieving the same outcome: one is the rights-based approach, and the other is the duties-based approach. One is focused on taking, while the other is focused on giving. Islam adopts the duties-based approach, emphasizing giving rather than taking. The result of this is that when a person does not receive their due rights, they do not fall into despair or hopelessness. Instead, they remain content and satisfied with the will of Allah, continuing their journey through life with patience and determination.

[October 2018]

What is Purificatin of the Soul? How can it be attained?

Javed Ahmed Ghamidi has been answering participants’ questions following his weekly lecture on the Qur’an and Hadith. He was asked what is meant by the purification of the soul (Tazkiyah al-Nafs)? Who performs this purification? How should one perform the purification of oneself and one’s family? Is there a specific method to achieve the purification of the soul? The summary of his discussion in response to these questions is as follows.

The purpose of religion is the purification of the soul. This means that the individual and collective lives of human beings should be cleansed from impurities, and their thoughts and actions should be nurtured in the right direction. God has sent His prophets to the world for this very purpose.

Allah Almighty has created this world on the principle that here, a person should strive to purge the impurities of his soul and nurture himself under the guidance of the teachings of the prophets in such a manner that makes him worthy of residing in Paradise. The fundamental condition for dwelling in Paradise is the purification of the soul. The Divine command is:

.قَدۡ اَفۡلَحَ مَنۡ تَزَكّٰىۙ‏. وَذَكَرَ اسۡمَ رَبِّهٖ فَصَلّٰى​. بَلۡ تُؤۡثِرُوۡنَ الۡحَيٰوةَ الدُّنۡيَا ۖ‏.وَالۡاٰخِرَةُ خَيۡرٌ وَّ اَبۡقٰىؕ‏

However, successful shall be he who spiritually purified [himself] and for this he remembered his Lord’s name, then prayed. People! you do not have any sound argument. In fact, you give preference to worldly life even though the life to come is better and more lasting also. (87:14-17)

The Qur’an purifies both human knowledge and practice. The education it provides for the purification of knowledge is referred to as Hikmat (wisdom) in its terminology, and the education it provides for the purification of practice is termed Shariah (law). It can be understood that the instructions related to faith purify knowledge, while the instructions related to laws and regulations purify practice. For example, when the Qur’an refutes polytheism, it purifies our knowledge regarding the Divine Essence, and when it encourages active engagement in worshipping Him alone, it purifies practice.

From this, it is clear that purification is done by religion, not by any human being. In every age, many scholars emerge from whom guidance can be obtained. The Book of Allah is available to us in a completely preserved form, and by studying it, one can determine what is right and what is wrong. Any scholar or religious mentor only makes you aware of the teachings of the religion and provides a religious environment and good company. He does not purify us himself; rather, he connects us to the religion that does the purification. Thus, he is not the purifier (muzakki) — the one who purifies — but the teacher (mu‘allim) — the one who teaches the knowledge that purifies.

Learn religion from those scholars whom you trust. Once you understand the religion, your nature will awaken, and you will realize what aspects of your knowledge and actions need purification.

As for your family, you must be concerned about their hereafter. You should strive to lead them to the stage of self-purification, but the only path for this struggle is religious education and training, and the company of the righteous. Acquire religious education for yourself and also arrange it for your family.

Sit in the assemblies of the teachers of religion and keep the company of those who have molded their lives according to the framework of religion. Encourage your family and friends also to sit in the company of scholars who possess noble character.

Encourage your household to be steadfast in prayer and instill in their hearts and minds the understanding that success in the Hereafter is the true success. The life of this world is very brief and is merely a test. Inculcate in their minds and hearts the notion that success in the Hereafter will be granted only to those who, in this world, turn towards God’s religion and purify their knowledge and actions from all impurities.

As far as the attainment of purification of the soul is concerned, in this matter, instead of seeking formulas from here and there, one should tread the path that the Prophet of Allah (PBUH) has shown and on which the companions of the Prophet walked. While following that path, the results undoubtedly do not emerge quickly, but when they do, they are strong and enduring.

In this regard, make these three things a part of your life:

1. Make the recitation of the Holy Qur’an a part of your daily routine.

Recitation does not mean the mindless repetition of words; rather, it is the study of the Divine Book with full consciousness in the quest for guidance.

2. Maintain a complete and ongoing connection with the mosque.

3. Spend some time each week in the company of virtuous people.

These three points are derived from the exemplary conduct of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). This is the conduct of Muhammad. If you adopt any other behavior or method besides this, there is a grave risk that instead of avoiding calamities, you may fall prey to them. Instead of purifying your soul from impurities, you may contaminate it. Instead of attaining the closeness to Allah and the station of His obedience, you may become distant by engaging in idolatrous activities. Despite believing that you have achieved self-purification, in reality, you will be deprived of it.

[June 2007]